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August 08, 2005

Strange Pregnancy Feelings: I need a new set of friends!

Here's another un-expected, a bit annoying thing about pregnancy. We are the first of our close group of friends to be expecting. By far. I'd say half of our friends are in the "moving in together" phase, while the other half are in the "single girl looking for the perfect guy" phase. I should mention for posterity that we are all in our early 30s...I wonder how this is going to sound 30 years from now...early 30s? barely adolescents! ;). Anyways, although we don't mind being trailblazers in general, this sort-of sucks: expecting a child is such a major life-changing experience that all you want to talk about is the crazy stuff that you learn, the weird stuff you have to buy, the weird parenting-induced anxiety dreams and thoughs you're having. And your friends want to go out for a drink. Or want to tell you about a boy they met online yesterday. Which is totally fine, we _want_ to listen, we love our friends and care about them and want to know everything that's going on with them! At the same time, they want to know what's up with us, and all that we can offer is parenting-related stuff (and how excited we are about the whole process). Which I'm sure it's fine, but I can't help but feeling embarassed about it. I know a lot of our friends dream of having a family one day, and some are pretty much ready to have one, but are much further than we are to having one. I feel like we're showing off for having a baby, and feel a bit guilty about it (not a feeling we like).

Also, we are starved for information about preggo's and childbirth and all that stuff, but none of our closest friend can give us much! So, what do you do? You start looking for new friends. Friends of friends that have kids? People you meet at the grocery store? ANYONE! I need some new friends, FAST! ;) Which is a weird feeling itself...I LIKE my friends, I don't want new ones!

Anyways, just another part of this "life changing experience" I guess...

Peldi

P.S.I want to report that we are lucky to have found, through friends, a small number of people in the same boat as we are, and that we actually like! We're hosting a dim-sum for preggers and parents-of-babies at our place next week-end, where we'll be able to "talk shop" the whole time, with no guilt! Whoo-hoo!

Posted by patata at August 8, 2005 03:29 PM

Comments

I totally hear you on this! I only have a couple of friends who have started a family and I've noticed that relationships with single friends do tend to sort of "slip away", or anyway it's much harder to find a common ground. Although, like you, I like my friends, now I've got a daughter I can't help wondering how this will affect our friendship.

Posted by: Pam at August 14, 2005 02:18 AM

Totally feel you. Except my husband and I are in our early 20's...so does that mean we have AT LEAST another 10 years before any of our friends start having kids? At least a few of his friends are married and are *thinking* about having kids in the next few years. But my friends are just getting out of college and aren't even close to think about *gasp* marriage or babies or any of that. But that's my fault, not theirs. =)

That's why I'm addicted to these daddy/mommy blogs. Glad to find yours!

Posted by: Nina at October 6, 2005 11:17 AM

Hi! Nice website, Peldi! Congrats to you both on the babymaking. You're done! (sortof.) Mariah, I am very proud of you and think about you every day.

Re: the friends discussion (and I know I shouldn't be typing but I make exceptions when I think it's important):

I'm feeling you on this topic, but must put in my 2 cents as a representative of the single, non-baby-having-yet friends: while admittedly I'm not much help with baby topics, and I think it's rad that you're making helpful new friends, I want very, very much to be a part of your baby-having world! I know you hosers aren't showing off (it has never felt that way), and yes, it's embarrassing to talk to friends about the gigantic things dominating your lives that are different from the gigantor things happening in theirs, but that's what friends do. If you're a couple of baby geeks now, that's cool; I want to know you deeply no matter what. I know better than most, having a long-term injury, how freaking hard it is when your world changes so enormously, and you find suddenly that you're living in more than one major lifestyle category. You guys solidly inhabit the fun awesome young folks category and now you're also in the new parents category, which means a lot more social balancing to do than before, except with diapers and sleep deprivation. All I know is I'm going to be a jealous auntie if your new parent friends get to spend more time braiding Guido Jack's hair than I do. But even then, I will still love you forever and will always have my braiding fingers at the ready. You are going to let him grow long, luxurious hippie baby hair, right?

Posted by: Tracie B. at October 15, 2005 06:38 PM

Congratulations!
I too am a first-timer and am so fortunate to have several first-time-pregnant and new mom friends. I don't know what I would do without them. I have met most of my friends at a "Mom's Group" at my church. You can go to www.mops.org to find a group in your area. This is definately worth looking into. One of the best things I've ever done!

Posted by: Anonymous at October 24, 2006 03:58 PM